When did it ever become over to judge other mothers? I have been sitting on this thought for a week. Debating whether to express my feelings or not. After two seasoned mothers in back of us on a plane thought it was necessary to talk about my parenting while my tot was throwing a fit. I'm not sure if they thought they were being discrete. I could hear, "I would not travel with my kid if they did that." and "This is why toddlers shouldn't be allowed on a plane". Not that a screaming toddler isn't nerve racking anyways. Hearing these harsh words are even harder. Little did they know, my toddler had been traveling since 6 am. and after napping the whole ride was actually crying to get off of the plane. I didn't blame him the plane was hot and the line was long. I chose not to say anything to them but concentrate on my son. I didn't feel bad for causing them any problems. We paid for his ticket to be on the plane as well.
I admit, I’ve done it before. Not thinking, I rushed to conclusions about someone else’s parenting styles. I deeply regret ever doing so but realize as sometimes I get attacked this is NEVER the answer.
In growing as a mother I realize that there are three reasons we judge other mothers.
You’re not familiar with their style and have never been exposed to other customs.
We’re insecure about our styles and are worried they’re not the “right” way to raise our children. So we want to feel like we're doing a better job than someone else.
We’re set in our own ways and absolutely refuse to see someone else do something different.
With the woman’s position in our society changing it’s so necessary to drop the unnecessary shaming (dirty looks, whispers, shaking of heads), and realize every mother is different. What works in one family doesn’t always work in another.
So what can we do to stop Momma shaming?
Support each other- Parenting is hard. Let’s say that again, PARENTING IS HARD. Everyone needs a support system. Do you honestly think that Mom’s that are shamed feel amazing afterwards? I certainly do not. Lend some friendship.
If you don’t like something a mother is doing EDUCATE her about why you don’t like it. Don’t just shame her. A lot of times Mom’s do something because that’s the only way they have ever known.
Accept that everyone is different. If you’re uncomfortable in a situation then get yourself out of it.
When to speak out? If the child or mother is in harm by whatever is being done. These are the times not to keep quiet.